Got Drunk? - Cynco de Mayo is Almost Here!

Correspondent: Pastaroni

I was drinking the night I interviewed KolMohDee about his upcoming 2nd annual Cynco de Mayo celebration, so I lost all the interview notes, but as it's a night for partying, I'll just wing it.

Fewer hearts are more worshipped in /radio than Florida RadioKOL DJ KolMohDee. Click on his profile on a good day and you'll see his very own custom item, the Radio KoL DJ Mug, awarded for his outstanding service to the KoL community and (if you can believe it) America at large by staying awake and on-the-air for 24 hours to raise money for Hurricane Katrina relief; a venture that netted those affected by the tragedy a whopping $26,795.08!

We at the Strange Leaflet are incredibly proud of KoLers like KolMohDee, and each any every player who donated their hard-earned cash for the cause. After such a tough year it's obviously time to unwind, so doff your favorite sombrero, take off your pants and raise a margarita in celebration of the Kingdom of Loathing's unofficial favorite holiday of the year: Cynco de Mayo! Aye dios mio!

Last year KolMohDee gave away a fine selection of lime-based alcohol, and this year he's outdone himself.

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That's all going to one lucky player, folks. And it'll be even more if you pick through your inventories and send KolMohDee, the DJ with a pimp hand of gold, whatever you can spare.

Listen to RadioKoL on Friday, May 5, between the hours of 10am and 1pm EST, for your chance to win.
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!!!NEWS FLASH!!! - Merik vs. The Naughty Sorceress - Round 2!

Department: Front Page

After faring horribly against the NS in a battle of words on Radio KoL Saturday, Merik claimed that he would battle the sorceress in a penguin suit to humiliate her for calling him a bad DJ. Naughty Sorceress seemed mildly unimpressed though.

Prima Vera Angelhair, a collegue of Merik and the moderator for the "discussion" (which really was a two hour run of boasting and name calling), suggested that there may be sexual tension between the two, as most of the discussion topics were of the opponents genitalia. During the show, PVA pointed out that he thought a battle with the NS would turn in Merik's favor, even with the penguin suit.

That same day, KWE was televised for the first time ever. During the event, owner Mac Mahon weighed in on the situation.

"Now, the sorceress is a gem of a lady, and to hear her treated like that? Well, I just had to do something about it."

And do something, he did. Mac Mahon demanded that the radio DJ not only fight the most evil woman in the kingdom naked, but also that he retire his familiar for the bout. To make matters worse, Merik is a lover not a fighter, and thusly has no combat related skills. Merik was quoted as saying, "I'll have to use my sexynes. And my poor spelling skills."

The people on the street are showing favor in the Naughty Sorceress. Bets are being made (more on the NS than Merik) and Saturday is still just a few days away. Neither the NS nor the DJ could be reached. An admin level member of Teh Club said that he was out getting ready.

The fight is scheduled for Saturday, Martinus 7th, at 2pm. It will be shown live on KNN, and Prima Vera Angelhair will be announcing via Radio KoL.
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!!!NEWS FLASH!!! - Merik vs. The Naughty Sorceress - Round 1

Department: Front Page

You late-night radio affictionados already know about Radio KoL DJ Merik's deep rooted hatred for the Naughty Sorceress, but at LarzdaPunk's DJ inaugeration she went on record as saying that Merik's a poor fighter and an even worse DJ! Our microphones were there. Hear it in this exclusive audio clip!

In retaliation, Merik lashed out, asking adventurers to send in their best insults for the NS and demanding she come on his show. We here at the Strange Leaflet recieved the following press release today:

Little Merik. I heard from a few of my minions that you demanded my presence this Saturday, April 8th. I've killed better men than you for far less, but you amuse me. You said that you beat me naked, which is simply hilarious. Either you lie, or... there wasn't much to remember. But you are in luck. Maybe someone will listen to your pisspot of a show when I come on. I will see you this Saturday, and I will remind you why I am the most feared in the kingdom.

So there you have it, keep checking in for more on this incredible story!
Lord Harvey Wallbanger

Please welcome a new face to the Strange Leaflet...

The editorial board is proud to announce a new, permanent addition to the bullpen here at The Strange Leaflet: CaitiffsEros (#481465). He made a fine showing for himself in interviewing Cynn; an interview both entertaining and informative. We simply couldn't help but offer him a full time staff position.

The Leaf depends upon your kind support to stay alive. We are always looking for great writers to get out there and find the stories our readers are interested in. We can be choosy, yes, but we simply demand the best for the Kingdom! But please, do not let that stop you from submitting your stories. You may be just what we are looking for.

Additionally, we are always looking for other, non-writing creative projects to showcase. Are you a fine artist? Submit your pin-ups! Quality art is always welcome at the Leaflet. In fact, our own staff illustrator, Automatic Jack, has given her kind permission to allow us to syndicate her fantastic comic, Legend. A glorious treat for the senses!

And we must shamelessly say, if you cannot support us with your creativity, please do dip into your wallets and toss os the odd scrap of meat. Meat equals motivation in our world. Horray for simulated Capitalism!

We've got many interesting things in store for the coming weeks and months. Oodles of interesting things have happened, or are going to happen, or are going to have, any case, we thank you again for your patronage!

- Lord Harvey Wallbanger
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11 Questions with muymanwell (#527301)

Department 11

1. How did you first discover Kingdom of Loathing?
Actually, I found the Kingdom in a link from someone's signature on SlashDot (, back in June of 2005. Collapse )

2. What is your signature character class?
Definitely a female Disco Bandit (I always play female characters).  Collapse )

3. What has been your greatest accomplishment so far?
Getting the complete Radio Free Regalia was pretty nice, especially since I actually won it (The sword from ArtsyChick on the Big Meat Show [when it was on RKOL], and pants from Meranna—I think I got the hat from someone on WKOL). Being able to assist with the birth of WKOL radio was pretty big, too.

4. What, if anything, has blown up in your face?
Definitely when I made the mistake of buying pirate shirts, thinking they were some rare item, right when they first came out. Collapse )

5. What has been your most ambitious project to date?
Definitely trying to finish my terrarium. Collapse )

6. What aspect of KoL has persistently thwarted you at every turn?
Being new in the Kingdom has made it hard to get to some of the older familiars. Collapse )

7. What is the one thing you would change about KoL if you could?
Honestly, not much. Sure, I'd like the older familiars to be available again, but then what would I work towards? Collapse )

8. What is your favorite joke or reference in KoL?
Definitely the Probability Giant. Collapse )

9. What brings you back to KoL night after night?
The hunt for the familiars is the lasting draw. Collapse )

10. How long do you think you will keep playing?
Honestly, I don't know that I'll be daily active in two years, but I like to think that I'd be on at least twice a week. Collapse )

11. You get to have a Jick-made custom item. What is it?
Hired Penguin: Familiar Collapse )

Fan Fiction by KolonelK (#584188)

Quality Fan Fic Department

In the Lair of the Naughty Sorceress, a Journal of my Travels

Final preparations begin for entry into the Sorceress' Lair. The Council have instructed me to reach the tower and confront the Sorceress at all costs.

I am currently packing everything I shall require for the quest. Of course, I always take way more than I need, but sometimes you just don't know when you're going to need a wad of dough and a lump of bat guano.

Bitchin' meatcar stalls outside of Degrassi Knoll. Upon inspection, tank is empty. Pour everything left in wallet into tank and continue journey. Damn car thinks I'm made of meat.

Continue on at leisurely pace, only stopped intermittently by bugbears trying to wash my windscreen.

Having made my way through the outer gates of the lair using the most tortuous methods (I felt like a diabetic kid stumbling into a Bauhaus concert), I found myself in a passage ending in front of a gigantic mirror, much like those favoured by Disco Bandits who will place them liberally throughout their bedrooms. Modesty will not allow me to reveal how I discovered the hidden panel beyond, but I have taken with me a rather nice shard to trick out the bitchin' meatcar when I get back home.

I find myself recovering from a very disappointing experience involving stone statues, pungent gases, and a rather aggressive skeleton. If it wasn't for the ridiculously deep pockets that the tailors of the Kingdom insist on providing in every piece of clothing I would have been forced to head back home to raid the closet a dozen times or more.

Who in their right mind plants a hedge maze directly in front of their door? And then leaves the key lying around in the open. And all that privet... I thought I was allergic to it, but having it leap out of nowhere and try to scratch your face off is a whole new level of sinus pain.

Pretty nifty little puzzles though. Might take one home for the leprechaun.

I am beginning to find this whole situation unbearable. In the last hour I have been accosted by a giant thumb, a beer pitcher that insisted it was a batter, an extremely aggressive globe (I thought the world was flat), a rather disturbingly attractive fly, and a gigantic ice cube!

The more I see of this place, the more I begin to consider that calling her the Naughty Sorceress is probably not as technically correct as the Stark Raving Mental Sorceress.

Now I know why so many people come back from this Lair looking so beaten and exhausted - six flights of stone steps!

Sat in on a game of poker, won 500 meat, got electrocuted by a door with clearly faulty wiring, and almost had my leg bitten off by one of the poker players who was a bit foamy around the mouth.

But I cannot turn back. The Council needs me. The Kingdom needs me. You know, I have no idea why we're a Kingdom at all, after all I've never seen a King. Maybe he retired, or went on holidays and forgot to come back. Maybe he was kidnapped and imprisoned in a giant crystal... No, far too daft an idea.

So much for decking out the meatcar, I was admiring my new piece of panelling when out of nowhere there was a giant flash and the whole bloody thing vaporised! Then some bugger dressed all in black came out of nowhere and said he was going to do me over, it gave me such a fright I had to pop one of my heart pills. Once I'd caught my breath he'd gone. Odd.

To top it all off, I've almost been killed by chunks of falling masonry. This tower is falling apart around me.

I'd consider this a serious OH&S issue if it wasn't for the fact that just about everything else in here has tried to kill me, so why not the damn roof?

Whatever happened to owning a dog? The last time I checked, potatos and barrrnacles weren't winning "Best of Breed" at the county fair. Or being used for guard duty.

Finally, the door that leads to throne room of the lair of the Naughty Sorceress. My long and arduous quest has almost ended. I put boot to wood and the heavy oak crashes back on its hinges.

Battered, weary, and singed around the edges, I finally came face to face with the Naughty Sorceress in her lair. Black throne, black walls, black (sexy) outfit. Must be a bitch to keep cool in the summer.

Absently juggling two tiny paisley fireballs, she cast me a withering glance and slowly smoothed out a crinkle in her immaculate black dress.

I drew from my back pocket a scroll and read it as I faced the beautiful yet deadly enchantress.

"Ms Sorceress?"
"Ms Naughty Sorceress?"
"Of the Lair of the Naughty Sorceress, Loathing?"
"Yes, that's me. What do you want?"
"I've come to read your gas meter."

Character Sheets: Cynn (#169594) - Part II

Correspondent: CaitiffsEros (#481465)

When not beautifying the forums with her artwork, Cynn can be found patrolling the Ring of Flame with an iron fist and her trusty big stick. It
is here that many thick-skinned players come to, well, flame the heck out of each other while slinging the type of defamatory, slanderous muck
that simply can’t be allowed in any other forum.

Cynn initially garnered the position of mod through a string of events that “make a pretty uninteresting story.” Foremost among them was a suggestion
from The Bub, who thought Cynn would make a good mediator in the incendiary forum.

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11 Questions with ashamalee (#89522)

Department 11

1. How did you first discover Kingdom of Loathing ?
KoL was something that just didn't interest me at the beginning. Collapse )

2. What is your signature character class?
Wow, I have actually never thought about this question before. However, without a doubt, I would have to say that Collapse )

3. What has been your greatest accomplishment so far?
The establishment of Otori. Collapse )

4. What, if anything, has blown up in your face?
Administrative decisions regarding Otori that led to some nasty incidents. I was learning, and I guess I still am.

5. What has been your most ambitious project to date?
I don't know… Once again, I love Otori and my collections. Collapse )

6. What aspect of KoL has persistently thwarted you at every turn?
I think it's all about wealth for this answer. Collapse )

7. What is the one thing you would change about KoL if you could?
Right now, as I don't actually have any influence on changes, I wouldn't change anything. Collapse )

8. What is your favorite joke or reference in KoL?
It's a shame that I miss a lot of the pop culture references due to being an Aussie, but even then, Collapse )

9. What brings you back to KoL night after night?
Otori. Collapse )

10. How long do you think you will keep playing?
I've drifted out of the limelight quite a bit already. Collapse )

11. You get to have a Jick-made custom item. What is it?
E-penis +++, and that's something I have never said before. :D Collapse )
Lord Harvey Wallbanger

Today in Kingdom History...

Today is a sad day, for the greatest hopes of the citizenry of Loathing, the achievement of the one-day ascension, has come to failure. Bashy, and his expert team which made up O-DAMN (One-Day Ascension Mapping & Nitpicking) did not achieve their one-day ascension for the record books, despite a noble (and expensive) effort.

Still, this is also a day for great rejoicing, for the O-DAMN team did, in fact, face the Naughty Sorceress, eye to eye. This proves to the Strange Leaflet that a one-day ascension is possible, but like all things, needs a slight push of luck. In the end, is it so important that Bashy (and his brave team of Mr Bill, Almighty Tallest, Wgitc, and Wilder) actually stepped through the Heavanly gates? It seems to us that they had intended to prove it was possible, and that they did.

Oh but for the flip of a coin go we.

The noble exploits of the O-DAMN team shall be chronicled in detail in a future edition of the Strange Leaflet, as will the day when they finally accomplish the no-longer impossible. Until then, send those fine warriors a hearty thank you.

Goodnight and good luck,
~ Lord Harvey Wallbanger